Stepping into the Sunshine

font-coverA poetry diary from Grace Greenwood capturing the essence of two successive abusive relationships.

Why do women stay?

Why don’t they just leave?

How can someone reach rock bottom and turn their lives around?

In an honest portrayal of abuse, violence, love, betrayal, self doubt and enormous courage, Grace lays bare some intense episodes in her life with a view to inspiring others, who find themselves in a very dark place, to gather up the last bit of inner strength and join her by stepping into the sunshine themselves.

Paperback. 98 pages.

£6.99 Amazon UK

$11.30 Barnes&Noble USA

Widely available online and from your local book store: ISBN 978-1-908867-0-01

 

After the Party
He’s a charming man
The life and soul of every party
The one that all the women want to be with
And all the men want to be.
I look at him with love and adoration
And fear
For when the party’s over
And the audience has left
His eyes turn to me
Black and menacing
Preparing to unleash the demons from his soul
Preparing to satisfy his animal instinct for total
domination
Preparing to delight in his madness
He moves towards me
“I saw you talking to that man
You bitch,
You whore!”
My mind springs to flight
Scans the room for each available exit
I know what is coming next
“What man?” I say calmly
trying to keep the raging beast at bay
“Don’t act innocent with me, you slut.”
He approaches
Blocking my exit to safety
Blocking my exit to sanity
He pulls my arm behind me
My face slams into the wall
Again
Again
Again
AGAIN
And fear comes to my rescue once more
Obliterating my pain
Then flung and kicked across the room
I’m begging
Pleading
Bereft of human dignity
Bereft, it seems, of life itself
He towers gigantic over me
A black ten foot demon
Piercing my soul with his eyes
Shaming my body with his fists and feet
He grabs my hair and pulls me up
My consciousness flees my terrified body
Abandoning me in its fear
I no longer see the demon
I no longer see anything
Then flight or fight kicks in
My basic instinct to survive
I’m somehow free of his grip
I feel the door handle in my hand
Hardly daring to believe I might escape
And then I’m running
Running
Running
Into the cold night air
Which swirls around me
Protective and soothing
Cutting dead the echoing abuse behind
My consciousness feels safe enough to return
To help me now
I feel the cold tarmac beneath my feet
And start to look around for somewhere safe
to hide
I understand this freedom will not last
And soon he will appear in the doorway
Looking for me
I know I don’t have long
Where to hide?
There’s nowhere
Nowhere
Oh my God !
The panic rises as I twist and turn frantically
looking for my sanctuary
With nothing better now
I squat down behind a car parked at the side of
the road
And wait
Hardly daring to breathe
I feel the cold rising up through my bare feet
And biting into my bare arms
But I’m safe
He waits for hours
Content in the knowledge that I will return
I wait too
Eventually he appears
My name echoes through the dark, empty street

I remain completely still
And silent
He curses me under his breath
and fumbles for his keys
The tail lights of his car disappear from view
Now is my chance
Tightly held in my frozen hand are the keys to
the house
The keys to my freedom
Trembling I sink them into the lock
My mind is spinning out of control
I’ll grab my shoes and coat and bag
Money
I need money
Oh my God!
I must get out of here before he returns
But they are gone
Gone
How can they be Gone?
He’s taken them
The phone rings
I answer it.
“So you’re there are you, you bitch.
I’ll be right home.”

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